What I don't Have

26 Sep

It is funny. People around me have always looked up to me as a success … full of achievements. But when it comes to my inner self, I have always had this feeling that I am living a lie. Ever since, I lost my mom. Maybe, it happens to a lot of people. It happens, so what?
But then, without the love of a mother, you turn out to be a half baked egg. Don’t you? My mother was taken away from me at the mere age of one. I don’t remember anything of that. But I have ever since had this void in me. And its here to stay. Probably the reason why I cherish caring and love so much. But what does it mean? What does it really mean?
Does that mean I can never be content. That I cannot have the confidence to be me. That I would always have to put up a facade. And to pretend what I am not? I don’t know. But would someone tell me. I think no one can. No one will. It’s funny I am writing this on my blog. It really is. But then who ever will read this will be someone who will probably not make fun of me. But then, I have been made fun of, enough and more. And it is a part of me to accept that and be. It doesn’t matter anymore. Not really.
But why cannot I impress upon the people around me the sincerity and the genuineness of my thoughts, actions, and words. How different it would have been if I did not have this emptiness in me? How interesting!
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Posted by on September 26, 2006 in Health and wellness


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